I hate you!

I´m so fucking tired to pretend that everything is all right, cuz is not. I´m so fucking tired of feeling empty, tired of waiting for something to happen. It wont. I know nothing will happen, not at least the way I expect it to. I´m sick of looking like i'm happy, cuz i'm not. I can't believe how hard is this, waiting for this feeling to go away especially when I can't get you out of my fucking life!! i riped your stuff, burned your letters, I destroyed the book, asked you to tell me that you don't love me, i keep repeating myself: "he's out", but the fact is that you're not. And i hate it, that's why I hate when it rains, that's why i can't say yes, let myself enjoy or find somebodye else. I´m so fuking tired of dreaming, i can't stand it anymore!! The guy up there punishes me cuz i'm not doing what I should. I live daydreaming about winding up with this biker guy. I hate bikes, I hate physics, I hate you. That's a new one. I haven't said that before, not even inside me. The truth is I hate you, i don't know why, i'm trying real hard not to cry while writing this but it's useless. I'm so fuckin tired to be what everybody else expects, i'm really tired of it, cuz people want someone that i'm not. I'm over trying to explain myself to the world, living like they own me, i wish i was stronger, I wish i was dried out, I wish that this knot in my throath would dissapear. I wish that everythin i am was enough for someone. I wish that when i see you i don't feel down, useless, sad, anxious, something. I wish that somebody will give me a painkiller. I just can't take it anymore.